VINTAGE TECHNOLOGY
(more to come, check back later!) a neverending list of outdated things i either love or hate.
the nintendo powerglove
finally, i can fist myself AND play Barbie for the NES at the same time.
just look at this smug bastard, you know he's had his pleather coated fingers up his ass since he slipped on that monstrosity of a controller. each digit is ribbed for pleasure, afterall.
nintendo didn't even release any games for the powerglove in japan. you know, their home region. so the powerglove was only ever sold their as a fruity little extra for the NES.
the sony aibo ERS-110
i know it's pushing it to call a 1999 release vintage, but i don't care. i wasn't alive yet, so it's ancient. plato had these motherfuckers.
i cannot stress how much i fucking love this thing. sony figured out the quadrupedal balancing problem years before boston tech, and all they did with it was make a fun little friend. absolutely brilliant. i look at this robot and i feel the same adoration i would for a real living and breathing animal.
good dog. very good dog.
the sony (again) watchman
remember this? didn't think so. it sucked. it sucked so bad and everyone fucking loved it.
picture this: it's 1901 or whatever goddamn ancient year of past this thing came out, and you are far flung from every television set on the planet for some reason, but you were also enough of a nerd to go out and buy this piece of shit.
you and your ancient bros start getting bored and you're all like "guys i got this" as you pull out your sony shitman PP69. you turn that shit on and all you're getting is static. you adjust the antenna, and that somehow makes it worse. you look like a fool, and your friends hate you.
they leave you in the middle of the woods to die, and you've got no money to bribe the local wildlife into not eating you since you spent it all on that fucking brick with some copper taped to it. wolves are eating your organs, and the adrenaline is keeping you from passing out so you feel all of it. but at least you have your sony fuckman so you can watch grainy ass public television in your final moments.
the macintosh powerbook 5300
my darling, my BABY, my first computer crush. if there was a market for vintage technology gijinka pornography, i am going to become infamous for strangely specific nsfw commissions of this ABSOLUTE BABE. stunning.
the macintosh powerbook 5300 first made its public debut in Independence Day (1996), as dave's computer. despite wireless internet protocols not existing yet for public use, it did just that in the film. but that's not what i want to focus on. within the movie, this mac starts up with HAL 9000's voice greeting dave. this is objectively the best computer. it's sexy as fuck, and if you threw it at someone they would probably die. 10/10
the pokemon camera
this just pisses me off.